"Dear Daddy" - A daughter's cry.

Dear Sis, 

Today my heart is very heavy. I just watched a video that literally brought me to tears. It evoked so much emotion in me: anger, outrage, sympathy, sadness, pain, ... and amidst it all - inspiration. It inspired me to WRITE. It inspired me to act. There are so many girls: daughters - without fathers. I am referring to the ones who are without fathers, not because their father isn't alive, but because he has abandoned them. This is a tragedy. Some of you may be thinking, "Well, what can we do about it? We are the mothers." To that I would respond, "What CAN we do about it?"

I can think of a few things. Before we go there though, let's take a moment and watch the video. *Remember, your responses, feedback, thoughts, experiences, --- it's all welcome.*

*UPDATE: {5/24/12} It appears the video has been removed from the internet, which is unfortunate because it was powerful - a little girl's heartbreaking story. The full-length dvd is titled "Dear Daddy". Dear Daddy is a feature length documentary about the life long effects of fatherlessness on women. The film follows the dramatic journeys of eight young women from the tough city streets of Washington,DC as they struggle to overcome poverty, poor educational systems, no healthcare, and the most difficult life circumstance they have been dealt... the absence of their fathers... but at its core, it's about the importance of a father's role in the lives of their daughters.

If you are anything like me - you are in tears right now. You WISH with all of your heart that there was something YOU could for this girl... Well maybe just maybe there is... For starters we can talk about it.

I suggest that we talk about it not only to hear ourselves speak... but in order to brainstorm solutions and also in order to be there for our fellow sisters who are going through this painful experience. Before I proceed, I'd like to preface this by saying this - know that everything I say I am saying this from a place of pure LOVE. In no way would I ever suggest or attempt to place blame... all I hope to do is to help abate this horrible cycle. I think prevention is key.

We, as women have to make smarter more responsible decisions.  I think that begins with understanding the magnitude of our decisions. It takes TWO to tango, right? We have to do better. As we do better, we will raise the bar, and they will do better (or be alone!). Many times, we as women have the power to prevent these heartbreaking situations. Yes it would be lovely if men would take it upon themselves to be the solution - but until then, women, we have to do ALL we can to protect our daughters - the ones that are here and the ones that have yet to be born. A recurring theme within the first few posts of this blog has been REALIZING YOUR WORTH. Who knew so much was tied in to simply realizing your worth? Many of the day-to-day decisions we make, are reached depending on how much (or how little) we value ourselves.

Many of the men we allow into our lives, we allow in, for all the wrong reasons. We owe it to our daughters, to do better, to be better, and to expect and demand better. You should have expectations of the men you date. Any old Tom, Dick, or Harry will surely not do. Get to know the men in your life. What does he stand for (if anything)? Does he have ANY values? Realize your worth. Does he realize your worth?

Something else for us to talk about - CELIBACY. Let's talk about it. I made the decision to practice celibacy 4 (looonnng) years ago. Yes, I said "loooonnng". LOL! What? I am human! Jeez. Anyway, I was saved and dedicated my life to Christ on Mother's Day 2007... I am one of those people whose life was transformed almost over night. I was hungry for God and I couldn't get enough of His word. I was and am eager to please Him - in every way. A few weeks after dedicating my life to him, he put it on my spirit to become celibate. At the time, I was in a relationship with a wonderful man. It was a sexual relationship. At first, I was afraid of how my then boyfriend would respond. It's one thing to go into a relationship celibate, it's a whole 'nother thing to switch up in the middle of one. I will tell you more about my journey in another post (only to prevent this one from getting TOO long and going off course). Anyway, with that being said I feel comfortable discussing this issue with you. It is God's desire that we save sex for marriage. Looking at the world today and after watching this video - I think it is painfully clear why. He wants the BEST for us. I know this to be true. Fatherless homes, hurt children, STD's, broken hearts, and on and on is not what He wants for us. I have found celibacy to be such a blessing to my life. Hear me out. 

- I have so many less regrets. When I look at how many men I've dated in the past four years - I can only THANK GOD, I didn't sleep with any of them. Disclaimer: that is not a knock against them (in case any of you are reading this - you are all awesome men, such gentleman). No really, this is not to say that I haven't dated some great guys, but for whatever reason, we just weren't meant to be - with that being said, it sure lessens the blow when things come to an end, when you have not gone there and connected yourselves on that level. Be honest with yourself. Tell me, how many times have you thought, "Why did I sleep with him?" How many times have you regretted having a sexual relationship with someone? How many times have you had sex with someone that you now know was worth less than a penny with a hole in it? Instead of saying, "Why did I..." I can say, "Thank God I didn't..."

What's that saying, "One night of pleasure can lead to A LIFETIME OF PAIN." It's so NOT worth it. Especially when the lifetime of pain, is your daughter's cross to bear - not yours.

- You can think much more clearly and logically when you are not having sex with a person. Sex clouds your judgment and your emotions. It can make you feel things that are really not present. It can also make you feel more deeply for a person than you otherwise would. Stay in control of your heart. Spend time getting to know the person.

- Celibacy can separate the good from the fake - real quick! Think about it. If a man isn't willing to put in that time and get to know YOU for who you are - is that really the man for you? I know a lot of women think most men are just about sex, but I beg to differ. Sure if you are handing it over to them on a platter, I am sure that most will not turn it away... But I can most assuredly attest that MANY are willing to get to know you. I have NO problem getting and/or keeping a man's interest and I am NOT having sex - imagine that. And do you know what I have found - the respect level and the trust level is so much deeper. Think about it. If you aren't sleeping with HIM and you love him - than he knows you aren't sleeping with anyone else! And do you know how good that makes him feel? Not only that but, the man recognizes the virtue of his woman and seeks to protect that and puts her on a pedastal - and the woman recognizes that her man values her virtue and she respects that and puts him on a pedestal. It feels good to be loved and appreciated. See how that cycle works? Love is fostered in a pure atmosphere. This is real intimacy.

- I am still friends with many of the men I've dated in the past few years and that is because we actually developed real friendships. We got to know one another and we have respect for one another and we can continue and maintain relationships because we don't have any of the drama or baggage that sex can put on relationships.

-You don't have to question whether or not someone really loves you. You know they do.You know they love you for everything that makes you you.

- How can we consciously take God out of our relationships and then expect Him to bless them in the same breathe?

 Celibacy is the ONLY way to truly prevent unplanned pregnancy. 

Celibacy is the only way to prevent the spread of STD's. 

* More on celibacy later - can you tell I am passionate about this subject?! 

Lastly, I want to talk to the mothers who won't allow the fathers to be in the picture. Fathers that sincerely WANT to be there. It's not fair. I know he may have hurt you and you want to see him hurt - but you are hurting your children in the process. It's not worth it. TWO wrongs do not make a right. At some point we have to be the bigger person. Do what's best for your child. Once you have a child, he or she becomes the priority. They didn't ask to be here and we as parents owe it to them to be the best parents we can be. You do not have the right to rob your child of her father's love, because things didn't work out between the two of you. Don't do it. Find another way to express your anger/pain - a healthy way. Exercise -work it out. Become involved in ministry - serve it out. Write - written expression is a healthy release. Pray - God will help you. Whatever you do, don't hurt your child. In fact, I'd even take it a step further and ask, those of you with the father in the picture, to encourage and help to cultivate a relationship between child and father. Encourage your child to reach out to their father and encourage/remind their father to be there for them. As Mommy, you know your children better than anyone! Help Daddy be the best Daddy he can be. It's only going to help your child in the long run.

I shared this video because it touched my heart. I shared these words because I hope to touch yours. I am hoping you will do the same. Let's Talk. It starts here.

TAKEN FROM THE VIDEO: "A generation of girls and women are carrying the burden of not being given there GOD given right to two parents caring, loving, and raising them in the same home..."

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?