At the time, I’m not sure I fully understood or received the magnitude of his advice. I also recall thinking, "Really? With my current list of expectations, the pool to choose from is already SMALL enough… Now, according to your advice, I am to lessen it even more by adding yet another requirement?"
You see, in the past I’d always felt that the REASON a man was willing to be celibate was irrelevant. As long as he was willing to wait and respected my desire to wait, then that was good enough to me.
Although if I was honest with myself, I’d have admitted then, that he had a point. Many times a man will SAY (and even mean it when they say it), that they respect your celibacy… until X amount of time goes by and they fully never expected you to “really” “actually” mean that you are celibate…. Or until they decide “this is ridiculous, we are in a committed relationship”… or you guys are going to be married “someday” so “what’s the harm”… or they decide to respect YOUR celibacy by not having sex with YOU… but ummm, celibacy was never really “for them” so they are having sex - just not with you, somehow justifying it in their own head that they are doing it FOR you… or … there is just a constant weight on you and your relationship, constant pressuring and/or conflict… him not truly being content or satisfied, because he decided to do the “celibacy thing” for you, and not because it was his heart’s desire to please God. You can see how this can present as a problem.
What I failed to realize is that,
like every other area of faith and obedience, celibacy is an issue of the HEART. Do I really want to connect myself to a man who puts me before Christ? Or a man who, if given the green light by me, would be willing to compromise our faith in a heartbeat? If he is not living His life to please Christ in this one area, there is a very high likelihood that there are other areas of willing compromise in his life. If he is not leading us in a lifestyle of righteousness BEFORE marriage, what exactly am I expecting him to lead us into AFTER marriage. If our souls are not a priority now, am I willing to chance it that one day his heart will change? If he does not practice self-control with me in the face of temptation, do I expect him to practice self-control when temptation is presented by other women? God began to make it plain to me. I began to understand just what the man of God was warning me of with that piece of blessed advice, “…as a single celibate Christian woman, it would be in my best interest to partner myself with a single celibate Christian man who is celibate in obedience to Christ vs. a man who is “willing” to being celibate with/for me.”
Then there was the issue of MY heart. I said I trusted God to provide for me in every area. I said I knew that what He had for me would be more than I could think to ask or imagine. I prayed. I trusted. I believed….. Then, I doubted. I doubted there were still men in my generation who truly lived to please God in every area of their lives. It wasn’t that I thought there weren’t ANY. I just wondered if I’d be the one to cross paths with them. I wondered if I DID cross paths with such a man, would he also be all of the other characteristics I desired in a man? Honestly, I didn’t even want to admit it to myself, but I doubted. When I searched my own heart, I felt that it wasn’t GOD I was doubting, but man. God began to deal with me in that area. I am constantly amazed at how much He loves me! He would NOT allow me to walk that tightrope and I love Him enough not to want to walk it. Deep in my heart, I knew the truth all along. And as I read more, prayed more, sought God to reveal Himself to me more, as I drew nigh unto Him, He drew nigh unto me, and He began to reveal Himself to me in a mighty way.
Is ANYTHING too great for my GOD?? No.
Celibacy... courtship... each is a heart and faith issue. Do we truly trust God to provide? I did. I chose to trust God. I chose not to allow doubt or fear to overtake my spirit. I chose to stand on God’s word. I chose to continue to keep my eyes on Him. I chose to serve Him with my whole heart and trust that HIS plan for me would be perfect. Since that moment, I’ve met not one, but two amazing men of God, celibate through obedience to Christ, successful, attractive, honorable, MEN of God. The first one, God allowed me to meet, in order to show me who HE was… God showed me, "Yes daughter, there are men of righteousness, seeking ME, and it is in ME that I will allow him to encounter YOU."
Wow, God's love for me never ceases to amaze me. I am so thankful to Him for showing me the depths of His love for me. Now, that first man He showed me was not to be my husband, but he did serve a purpose in my life… God used him to show me I was not waiting in vain. The relationship didn’t work out, and that was okay with us. We both walked away better and with our souls unscathed. But I actually walked away with MORE than that. I walked away with a deeper understanding of God and His plan for us in celibacy and marriage, the importance of waiting and walking ONLY with a man after God’s own heart - his whole heart. I walked away fully committed to waiting on God, trusting Him, and being fully satisfied in Him.
The second
single celibate Christian Man of God, that God allowed to find me… well…
let’s just say, each day I see more and more why God is God… why His
ways are so much higher than ours… and how much love, peace, joy,
healing, safety, security, and rich blessing there is to be found in
obedience. I give Him all the honor, the glory, and the praise for what
He is doing in my life and I pray that in some way, what He is and has
done in my life, will bless yours. God is no respecter of persons; what
He has done for me, He will surely do for you! Wait patiently and let
God be God. He’s GOOD at it! My sisters,
My prayer for you is that you would not become weary in good-doing, for you will reap a harvest at the appointed time, if you faint not.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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Real ladies. Real God. Real Talk! - Equipping REAL WALK.
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So awesome and encouraging!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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