Love Letters: "Dear Singles" - Time to Define & Refine

                        LOVE LETTERS to Singles 

Written by: LaCrea Bucknell 

__________________________________ 

Dear Singles,

Sooo… you’re single? So am I. My question to you is, “How do you feel about it?”

I know there are some, maybe many, who are disheartened by this fact. I am not one of them, but if that is you, don’t be! Instead, EMBRACE this time! Yep, you read correctly; I said, “embrace this time”. You are single, not broken or incomplete! You are a whole person, and I’m here to tell you, if you are feeling a void… if it feels like something is “missing” or there is a hole to be filled… A man is NOT the solution – GOD is! A man cannot complete you. So fill yourself with HIM, God, the only one who can. Let HIM be your focus. Get to a place where you are so content in Christ, your life is so FULL of Him, that you don’t even know WHERE He will fit your husband into the picture, when the time comes! Allow yourself to become WHO He has purposed you to be. Perhaps, you aren’t married yet, because YOU aren’t prepared to be a wife. Maybe you haven’t spent the necessary time with God, in order for Him to mold you into the woman He desires to present to your Heavenly Husband! So it could be while you feel you are “waiting” on God, it is really God AND your Heavenly Husband, who are waiting on YOU.  Sisters, we have to change our approach to being single, if we truly desire to please God. Being single and “okay” with that, is a true act of and measure of your faith.

My Sisters, I pray that these letters are right on time. In the past few weeks, I’ve noticed many of you have posted in regards to the challenges you are facing as you strive to date AND please God. It is true, it isn’t always easy. Even when you ARE seeking God and acknowledging Him in all your ways, dating righteously has its challenges… but Sis, it’s next to impossible, when you are doing it on your own. Think of what we are up against – society and the media’s warped concepts of love and over-sexed images, loneliness, temptation, past hurts and betrayals, abuse, low self-esteem, broken hearts, trust issues, generational curses, an overall lack of knowledge, wisdom, and truth, and the list goes on.
Thank God for His grace, for THIS is the key to success – in dating and in life. We must get to a point, where we realize and embrace that we must submit to Him, and in and through our obedience, we will be BLESSED. We have to realize that when we pick and choose which word we WILL apply to our lives and which we won’t, we are attempting to do things our way and on our own. My sisters, it doesn’t work like that. You see, apart from Him… we can do nothing. But don’t get discouraged, because the GOOD news is, IN HIM, you will bear much fruit! Get excited, ladies!

{1 john 15:1-10} The Vine and the Branches

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. ² He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes^[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. ³ You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. ⁴ Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
⁵ “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. ⁶ If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. ⁷ If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. ⁸ This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
⁹ “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. ¹⁰ If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love.

Godly dating, that is, dating in a manner in which God is pleased, is a faith-issue. It is truly faith in action. It requires obedience… a submissive heart. Wait, where have we heard THAT word before? “Submissive”? Oh that’s right, in Ephesians 5:22,

Marriage—Christ and the Church

²² Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. ²⁴ Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

Sisters, do you see where I am going with this? … If you can’t submit to CHRIST, the head of the church, our Lord and Savior, HOW on earth can He trust you to submit to your husband? In dating and in life, so many of us want the promises of God, without applying His instructions. It just doesn’t work that way. So what does it mean to “submit” to Christ?

Dictionary.com defines the word “submit”, in the following manner: to accept or yield to a superior force or to the authority or will of another person.

So submitting to Christ means we submit to His authority AND to His will. There are many challenges in being single/dating as a Christian woman, trust me, I know. I’m with you! As “Love Letters” goes on, we will touch on many of the day-to-day issues and challenges we face, as Singles in Christ. But with this being the first letter, God placed it on my heart to share with you all, that it all starts with Him. Our success in every area of dating, is directly reliant upon our faith in Him. Our time as singles, is meant to first “define” us, that is, by immersing ourselves in Him, we discover WHO we are, in Christ… and then to “refine” us, that is make us more like Him, as He molds us into a woman after His own heart.

Dictionary.com defines “define” as follows: 1. a. To state the precise meaning of.  b. To describe the nature or basic qualities of; explain, 2. a. To delineate the outline or form of      b. To specify distinctly, and 3. To give form or meaning to

“Refine” is defined, as follows:   1.Remove impurities or unwanted elements and 2.Improve (something) by making small changes, in particular make (an idea, theory, or method) more subtle and accurate

Perhaps when we realize our time as a single, is not a punishment, but an “opportunity”, we will stop living through this time as if we are doing time – serving a prison sentence, literally letting day after day, pass us by while we look at the clock and/or calendar, crossing days off, pining, instead of growing. God wants us to want HIM, more than we want/desire a husband. God wants us to become WHO He has created us to be, BEFORE, we are gifted as wives. Spend time with Him, not grudgingly, but happily. Appreciate this opportunity, to bask in His presence. Let Him show you who you are, embrace it, and become it. I don’t know about you, but I welcome God’s refining power. Lord, remove any impurities and/or unwanted elements from me. I desire to be a “gift” presented to my Heavenly Husband. I want to BLESS His life. I want Him to thank God, for the gift of ME. I know that in order to do that, and to be that, I must become God’s definition of me and allow Him to complete His process of refining me.

So my sisters, as we embark on this journey of becoming 1 John 15 (1J15) Singles, remaining in Him, and bearing much fruit, allow me to share the first of many stories, with you. This story is a testament to God’s desire for us to be obedient to Him. This is also a story which illustrates His desire to be your number one priority.

When I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and dedicated my life to Him, in 2007, I was in a relationship. Not just ANY relationship either – no, I was in a wonderful relationship. The man I was dating was a gentleman, he was kind, he made me laugh, was respectful, attractive, successful, professional, educated, and he adored me. So right about now, you may be asking yourself, “Well, goodness, if he was all that, why are you single now?” … Well, let me finish the story!  At this time, we had been dating for approx. eight months or so. We were in love with one another. We were happy and we were content. I think it is relevant that I point out, we were also sexually active. Now, let’s get back to this day in 2007, when I accepted Christ into my heart. My experience, of accepting Him into my heart was one of complete transformation. From that moment on, I was literally a new creation, old things were passed away. I was hungry and wanted to know as much of Christ as I could. I wanted to please Him and I knew, I couldn’t please someone I didn’t know. So I set myself to reading His word, I attended EVERY service I could: Bible study and both Sunday services, I joined the nursery ministry in order to serve… I couldn’t get enough of HIM. I began to change. Things I had previously done, no longer interested me. Places I’d gone, I no longer had the desire to go. I also made the decision to become celibate. I talked to my then significant other. I told him of the changes taking place in my life and told him, I completely understood and respected him if he decided, the changes weren’t for him. I told him, we could be friends or not, whatever he wanted. Now, sisters, this was a HARD conversation to have, with someone you love… I just KNEW he’d be out the door. To my surprise, he actually made the decision to stay in the relationship, with me. He wanted to support what I was going through. He was even willing to accept my new-found commitment to celibacy (who says, “good guys don’t exist”?).  So we continued in our relationship… and it was good. He stayed true to his word. He supported me, didn’t try me… but you know what? A couple weeks in, and God spoke to my heart. Now, you have to understand and realize, at this time, I was a new believer – a baby in Christ, if you would. This was the FIRST time I heard God’s voice, in my heart, and what He said, wasn’t pretty (to me). He told me to end the relationship. … I told myself, it couldn’t have been God – not saying THAT. Why would I end a relationship with a man, who has done NOTHING but love and support me? … “End the relationship, LaCrea.” There goes that (pesky) voice, again. God, are YOU telling ME, you want me to walk away from a wonderful relationship, one I have seemingly been waiting on all my life, FOR NO REASON? … He responded, “No. I want you to walk away from the relationship – because I said so.” … Wow. I literally just sat there. Dumbfounded. Remember, I barely knew God at this time. So I felt like that was a lot for anyone to ask, especially this God I barely knew. It took me three weeks. Three weeks, of going back and forth with Christ. Three weeks of going back and forth with myself. Three weeks of Him speaking to my heart directly, through His word, and even through my pastor’s teachings. During those three weeks I was putting off the inevitable. Even in my infancy as a Christian, my heart’s STRONG desire was (and continues) to be, to please God. What He says, goes. So I called the then “love of my life”, asked him to come over so we could talk. He did just that. We just sat there for so long, because I couldn’t find the words. Tears were falling from my eyes. Finally, I heard myself telling him I had to end our relationship… I heard myself telling him, I could barely explain to him “why” we couldn’t be together, because I didn’t really know myself, other than that God (the God I barely knew), told me to do it. I remember telling him how much I loved him and how much I appreciated his love and respect. I remember telling him I didn’t know if it was a permanent thing God required of me or temporary, but that I didn’t expect him to wait around. He told me, that as hard as it was, he would do his best to respect, even this decision. We sat there together, holding one another, in tears, for some time. Eventually, he left. I cried some more. I talked to God… thinking, “There. I did it. Now what?” … He answered, “Now, it’s OUR time.”

Wow. God wanted me all to Himself. He knew that as long as I was in that relationship, I would be distracted, no matter how pure my intentions. He knew there was no way, I would get everything He had for me, as long as He did not have my undivided attention. He knew what He had deposited in me and He knew what it would take to cultivate my faith. He knew that I needed time alone with Him in order for Him to lay the foundation in my life, that would equip me to handle everything He knew was coming my way in the future. He wanted to teach me how to STAND. I thank God for the spirit of obedience and submission He has placed in my heart. I thank Him for the grace to make even the HARD decisions He has called me to make. I thank Him for His word. For even then, the following verses came to mind:

Suggested Reading and Application

{Matthew 19:29}

²⁹ And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life.

And

{Ephesians 3:20}

²⁰ Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us,

So you see, if God calls you to walk away from something (or someone), do it. He knows what is best for you. And what you leave behind for HIM, you will receive a hundred times that, in return… Hey, remember how GOOD my ex was to me?? Whoo! If I thought he was hot stuff, I can’t imagine what my Heavenly Husband is going to be like? God, how are you going to top that?! Which brings us to Ephesians – I am excited to know that God is the One who is able to do “exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think”, especially because I know that I have a GOOD imagination! Notice the second half of that verse though – “according to the power that works in us”. Don’t block yourself or cut yourself off from His power, buy not abiding in Him. Remember, apart from Him, we can do nothing.
While God, may not call YOU to leave a relationship, He is/will call you to do SOMETHING.  When the time comes, are you willing to seek HIM first? Are you willing to walk away from, stop doing, start doing, whatever HE asks of You? In the little things… to the BIG, are you striving to please Him? When you hear His voice, how do you respond?

Let us make up our minds to get the MOST out of our time, as singles – or should I say, allow God to MAKE the MOST out of US, during our time as singles – defining and refining us.  

{Proverbs 18:22}

²² He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
And obtains favor from the Lord.

My fellow Singles in Christ, let us endeavor to be that “good thing” that our Heavenly Husbands may find us, and obtain favor from the Lord.

In Christ's Abounding Love,

Your Sister,

LaCrea

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  - - - - -  - - - - -  - - 

Content of SistersEVOLVE by LaCrea Bucknell, Founder of SE is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.