Love Letters: "Dear Wives" - Searching My Heart

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LOVE LETTERS to Singles & Wives

Written by:   Alexis Johnson and LaCrea Bucknell

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Dear Wives (and wives-to-be!),

I have been a wife for seven years, and the LOVE that I have for my husband has grown strong and continues to grow stronger, each day. He's my best friend - the one that I truly trust. He is my God-sent man – my Heavenly Husband. He is the man that I vowed my life to, on our wedding day. He LOVES me just right, and ALL glory goes to our Father GOD, whom we both keep at the center of our marriage. We both love God with all of our hearts and we truly thank Him for the wonderful marriage we have today. We thank Him for His wisdom and understanding as to HOW He purposed a marriage to function. For we know, without Him…. Without revelation… our marriage would NOT be what it is today! Oh trust me, before we came to know God… before we developed personal relationships with Him… before we grasped our roles as Husband and Wife… well, let’s just say, things were a little “different” in the Johnson household – but To God be the Glory – NOW, we know! Now, I am THAT wife – an EPHESIANS 5:22 WIFE… and thank you, Lord, my husband is THAT husband – an EPHESIANS 5:25 HUSBAND.

{Ephesians 5:22-28} Marriage—Christ and the Church

²² Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. ²⁴ Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, ²⁶ that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, ²⁷ that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. ²⁸ So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.

We haven’t always been where we are today (smile)… Everybody starts somewhere, right?!  Well, my start, as a wife, was all wrong! I thank God, my husband was born with a patient nature, otherwise Lord only knows if we would have made it long enough to

GET the revelation! You see, as a wife, I didn’t know the first thing about what my role was in my marriage, in the eyes of GOD. I came into my marriage, with my own concepts of what an “independent woman” was, and that was me. Life experiences had taught me, that if I wanted anything done, and especially if I wanted it done correctly, I was better off doing it myself. I {thought} I ran the show! That was a suit I wore proudly! Unfortunately, this approach was totally dysfunctional in the eyes of God. It is not how He created a marriage to function – not by a long shot! My husband is the head of our household. Now, before I go on, he takes some of the credit for our dysfunction as well, you see, he allowed me to lead. We didn’t know any better.  

Before getting an understanding of what submission truly was, I must honestly say I was totally blind to that piece of the puzzle. I thought that loving him the way it makes me feel good (only me) was good enough, not realizing it wasn't pleasing to Gods eyes. As I began to draw closer to God, this was the very thing He kept dealing with me on. "Submission" became a recurring theme, in my talks with God. It was hard in the beginning; my flesh fought with the concept, but that was because, I didn’t understand it. I looked at “submission” as a dirty word. Who? Me? S u b m i t? Ha! … Little did I know, that submitting to one’s husband is an act of FAITH. That’s right. God has called us wives to submit to our husbands, AS WE SUBMIT TO HIM {THE LORD}. Wow. Are you reading that? Take a moment, search your heart… Do YOU submit to your husband, as you do, to the Lord? For some, that may seem so foreign a concept, that it may almost seem impossible, and perhaps on your own, it would be – but thank God, you aren’t on your own, and in HIM, all things are possible! “Submission”… an act of faith. Faith is believing. Do you believe God’s word is true? Are you applying it to your life? … And if not, why? What is stopping you from embracing God’s purpose for you, as a wife, and for your marriage?

Now, that God has revealed to me, just what submission is, and I have fully embraced it, it is no longer something I frown upon, but just the opposite – being an EPHESIANS 5:22 WIFE {E5:22 WIFE}, is a privilege, and one that has blessed my marriage tremendously. Having a submissive heart, is just so rewarding. A special peace has encompassed our marriage since we accepted and embraced our Godly roles as husband and wife. God loves me and I chose to obey him, in all things. “Submission" - something that was so hard for me in the beginning, BIGGER than life, is now so little and so rewarding.

The big turning point in my walk with God was when I began to trust Him in my marriage. And it’s funny how so often, we look to God to fix the other person FIRST. Thinking, “well I WOULD submit, IF he ….”. WRONG! Ladies, the scripture does NOT say, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord, IF…” No it says, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. (period)”

{1 Peter 3:1-6}
 Submission to Husbands

3 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, ² when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. ³ Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— ⁴ rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. ⁵ For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, ⁶ as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.

Now, I understand that there are some wives whose husbands are not loving them, as God has called them to, and I understand that in those cases, for those wives who already struggle with submission, that adds yet another hurdle. My dear sisters, God knew this as well... and He left instruction, especially and specifically, for you. How God loves us so! 1 Peter 3:1-6, not only instructs us wives on how to handle our husbands, even those who do not obey God's word, but as is God's character, He follows the instruction, with promise. I just LOVE how God operates. He says to be submissive... and He goes on to say, a direct result of your gentle and quiet spirit is that your husband would be won by YOUR conduct. To God be the Glory!! My sisters, we MUST let God's light and love shine through our words and actions. If you feel that you are in a hopeless situation, realize that on your own, it may be, but Praise God, you aren't on your own. I encourage you to read John 15:1-10. Apart from Him, we can do nothing, but as long as you remain in Him, you will bear much fruit. As well, I'd like to share a book, that I believe would be a BLESSING to all wives, especially those struggling with an unbelieving husband - "The Love Dare" by Stephen and Alex Kindrick. Be encouraged, my Sisters, and get in and remain in Christ, let Him work through you. Let us stop looking to God to "fix" our husbands, and instead focus on how WE can become more like Christ. How can WE be a better reflection of His love?

And this is where my story picks back up... So where did God begin? With ME. He dealt with ME first. If I may share a story… one afternoon while washing dishes in my kitchen, I began thinking to myself, "Am I a Submissive Wife? Do I truly honor my husband? Do I fully trust him with making decisions, for our family? Do I respect him in every way?” As the thoughts set in my mind, my phone rang and of course it was my Loving Husband. I answered, and the conversation went, as follows. Now let me preface this by saying, this conversation, took place BEFORE the revelation on submission!

Wife: Hey babe
Husband: Sweetie, can you feed the dogs for me?
Wife: "WHAT?! HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND? THAT'S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. YOU WANTED THOSE DOGS, REMEMBER? I DONT EVEN CARE FOR YOUR DOGS”

{Not pretty, right? Clearly I wasn't being a submissive wife… I hadn’t got the picture, yet.}

As I ended the call, the thoughts that were going through my mind, just before the phone rang, returned, and began to convict me. Knowing in my heart I wanted to do everything I could to please my Father, I had to acknowledge, my actions weren't reflecting that desire. The more I thought about it, the more clearly I heard His voice. God spoke to me, saying, "You must submit to him in everything as is fitting unto me (Lord).”  And then, He says, "Really Alexis, what's the harm in feeding the dogs, for him?? How are you being his help-meet when you aren't willing to help him in the little things?”

As God was dealing with me I knew I needed to make a change if I wanted to be pleasing unto Him, so I started with the little things, ie feeding his dogs, and then on to the bigger things, like letting him make the final decisions for our family.

Today, praise God, I am able to say, I indeed purpose to be the wife that obeys and submits. I find pleasure, joy, and fulfillment from being submissive to my husband, and as a direct result – pleasing God. It is surely the way God desires it to be and the peace and joy in my household are all the confirmation I need.

Suggested Reading & Application:

God commands us as wives to obey our husbands in Ephesians 5:22 -24, we are told to submit to our husbands "as unto the Lord," and in Ephesians 5:33, we are instructed to honor (reverence) our husbands. As difficult that may sound for some of us, my sisters, we do NOT have the hard part! Our husbands have the hard part… they are commanded to LOVE us (wives) as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it (Eph 5:25)! That means always putting our good, our well-being ahead of their own. It means being willing to die for us. They are called to submit to God, in order to LEAD us. They are responsible for ensuring our family is on the right path. And we are to “help” them.

 In 1 Corinthians 13:4 – “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up…” So the love our husbands have for us, is patient and kind and pride plays no part in it. That kind of love will put our well-being over his own... We are partners... When we married, we became ONE. My Pastor said something once, pertaining to marriage, and I will never forget it. He said, “Man was created first and woman was created as man's help meet.  And since, in marriage, the two become one, you really cannot have TWO heads because that is a monster marriage! Lol! He went on to say, wives, be the neck. So therefore, I am voluntarily the neck - without the neck the head is no good.

Finally, look at Proverbs 31:10-31. The template of a virtuous woman/wife: she owns business, she trades, she is into real estate, the heart of her husband safely trusts her, she provides food for her household, she extends her hand to the poor, and the list goes on - but most importantly, she is obedient to God!! Because of this obedience, her husband is pleased AND she has much to do with his good reputation.  Wives, let us be the wives spoken of in
Proverbs 31:28-31:

“Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her:

“Many daughters have done well, But you excel them all.”

Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.

Give her of the fruit of her hands, And let her own works praise her in the gates.”

Content of SistersEVOLVE by LaCrea Bucknell, Founder of SE is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.