Men Weigh In!! - "Dating", Ideal Woman, and Change of Heart?

Round 5 of our BI-MONTHLY feature:
"Men Weigh In"

The men have spoken (again) - and I believe you will be blessed by their responses (again). *smile* I know I have been! God never ceases to amaze me. The guys that are weighing in here (and right now there are five of them) are men that I know personally. Men that I have seen walking in Christ - sincerely - for years. Men who not only, talk the talk, but walk the walk - to the BEST of their abilities. They love Christ with all of their hearts, and I value and appreciate their input. These are our brothers in Christ. We are here to grow and evolve; they are doing the same. We will all surely be mutually blessed by the contributions they make and the conversation it provokes. I thought it best that they remain anonymous, so that they could share their responses freely and be completely transparent. So I had to come up with some "aliases" for these guys!! ;-) This way, as we hear from them each month you will be able to recognize which contributor it is you are hearing from. I asked them each to tell me their favorite book of the Bible - and this is how I came up with their SE names. ;-) So we have Brother Proverbs, Brother Ecclesiastes, Brother Job, Brother Colossians, and Brother Psalms.

I'm sure we all know men and women can look at something and see things COMPLETELY different. Or maybe that's just my experience... but I doubt it! Lol. With that being said, prayerfully, we will all be blessed, challenged, and encouraged to grow by exchanging perspectives and thought-provoking dialogue with the opposite sex.

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We asked: We are doing something a little different. We polled our members and this month's question(s) have come from them! The sisters have spoken and they're looking forward to reading their brother's input...

Question is 3-Parts:
1. As a Christian Man, what is (or was, if you are married) your approach to dating?
2. Describe your ideal woman/wife. What characteristics/qualities/traits do you look for/desire your wife to embody?
3. Does your relationship with the Lord make you view women differently than before? If so, how?

They answered:

Brother Job, 32:

1.) Well my approach to dating goes off of the chemistry that I feel for a person who I may be interested in. If I feel that there is chemistry then I will pursue a friendship to learn more about her in an effort to see if we would be a good fit together. If there's still good chemistry after we have been friends with each other and have shared some intimate stories about ourselves with each other, I may pursue a relationship... if its not there its no love lost because at the end of the day you have still gained a friend!

2.) My ideal woman will know the difference between reality and fantasy. They will understand struggle, hard work and perseverance because that's what it's gonna take for us to last forever. She has to be forgiving, loving, understanding, realistic and genuine. The number one characteristic for me is support..lack of support can ruin a relationship. She has to understand that I will always love the Lord more than I love her...and she has to have a relationship with him because it will make our relationship work a lot better. When we have issues we will find how to handle that issue in the bible no matter how bad it may hurt the other person.

3.) Yes my relationship with the Lord has changed my view of women in many ways. It was always sexual when it came to women with me..I would always find something sexual about a woman and lust after her. And if I really wanted to, I would have her. I hurt a lot of women and it has changed my life. I have a line in a poem I just wrote "it was more about lust and less about the person, and at the end of the day I walked away leaving them all hurting" God reversed it on me though and put me in a very hurtful season with a woman that I thought was my wife. Changed my life.. Women are the strongest beings I know. There are things that we men will never ever put up with and you guys put up with it with your head held high. I respect women so much more now and their power. It's amazing how some of the things that we take for granted are the very things that change our lives forever. 

 

Brother Ecclesiastes, 30:

1.Hmm...as a Christian man, the word "dating" is very casual to me... It serves no real purpose or agenda. Modern dating is essentially a selfish endeavor. I do not mean maliciously selfish, as in "I'm going to try to hurt you for my benefit." I mean an oblivious self-centeredness that treats the whole process as ultimately about self. After all, what is the main question everyone asks about dating, falling in love, and getting married? "How do I know if I've found the one?" What is the unspoken ending to that question? "For me." Will this person make me happy? Will this relationship meet my needs? How does she look? What is the chemistry like? Have I done as well as I can do? My approach is courtship! Courtship recognizes the general call to "do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves" (Phil. 2:3, NIV). It also recognizes the specific call that Ephesians 5:25 gives men in marriage, where our main role is sacrificial service. We are to love our wives as Christ loved the church, giving himself up for her. That means loving sacrificially every day. Biblical courtship means that a man does not look for a laundry list of characteristics that comprise his fantasy woman so that his every desire can be fulfilled, but he looks for a godly woman as Scripture defines her — a woman he can love and, yes, be attracted to, but a woman whom he can serve and love as a godly husband.
2.Okay i'm gonna keep it real interesting....
-She MUST agree with the Bible that sex is to be reserved for married couples only. Surprisingly, I have met several “Christian” women who claim that it is legitimate for Christians to have sex before marriage.
- She gotta have a heart for the lost, such that she evangelizes them regularly.
- She should attend, be a member, and be involved in a ministry of a church.
-She must enjoy her work rather than complaining about it all the time.
- Be kind with her words rather than cutting people down.(true pet peeve of mine)
-She must love the Word of God because she loves the God of the Word. So read your Word regularly!
- She MUST be optimistic – no “Debbie-downers. (another pet peeve of mine, negativity yuck!)
*She MUST take care of her body; this doesn’t mean she looks like a supermodel. Nevertheless, she exercises and eats healthily as a steward of her body.
- She should demonstrate her care for the poor in some tangible fashion – by serving, helping, giving, etc.
-She has to be strong emotionally. Even when hard times come she is ready. She must not be controlled by emotions either, such that God’s will is determined by her ever-changing emotions
-She should be honest
3.Yes of course, the Lord made me understand that woman are fragile, and we need to handle them with care, because you are God's greatest gift to us, and we need you.
 
Brother Proverbs, 21:
1. My approach to dating is simple - I'm looking for the woman that God has placed for me to spend my life with. I think where people go wrong is they date without purpose. They are either dating for motives or just to do it, but anything besides purpose, is wrong. My approach is to take my time. Anything that is important or valuable is worth waiting for. The moment people rush things is when it goes wrong. God is a patient God and He takes the time, for you to seek him, so He can always reveal himself. I feel it is like relationships. You take the time to really get to know that person so later they don't reveal a side that you don't know and don't like.

2.My ideal woman is someone who loves God more then anything. She is someone who carries godly principles and values. It's as simple as that - because that covers everything - caring, loving, hard worker, faithful, compassionate, supportive,beautiful personality etc.

3. Yes. Before I was saved, it was more-so eye candy. I was more concerned with how pretty they were and their bodily features. Now I'm looking at how they compliment my walk and assignment with God!

What are YOUR thoughts??

On the responses our brothers shared and/or on today's question,
"3-Part Question:
1. As a Christian Man, what is (or was, if you are married) your approach to dating?
2. Describe your ideal woman/wife. What characteristics/qualities/traits do you look for/desire your wife to embody?
3. Does your relationship with the Lord make you view women differently than before? If so, how?"

We want to hear from you. Remember, we are here to provoke purposeful evolutionary dialogue. Chime in. You never know how what you have to say, may bless another.
Be blessed! ... And BE a blessing!