Celibacy - To Be or Not To Be? That is the Question.

Good question, right? ... In 2007, I made the choice TO BE celibate until marriage.

Definitions of "celibate":   
1. One who abstains from sexual intercourse, especially by reason of religious vows.
2. State of being unmarried and, therefore, sexually abstinent.

I am currently single. I made a commitment to celibacy shortly after receiving Christ and dedicating my life to

Him, back in 2007... Six long years. (smile) ... During the past six years, I have been in various stages of single:  engaged, in a relationship, on dates, courted, and I've spent time alone. I have learned, I have grown, I have fallen short, I have come to know myself, my worth and value in Christ. Some times have been more difficult than others. One thing I know for sure: if it is your heart to honor God with your body, by remaining celibate until marriage, it will not "just happen". It will take work. It will take a personal relationship with Christ. It will take the love and support of those closest to you. It will take boundaries. It will take prayer. You will need to have God's word written on your heart.

So often, we are told what NOT to do, without being equipped on what TO DO. We know what God would have us to do, but sometimes we don't know HOW to do (or in this case, NOT do it). I can share with you, the life of celibacy is not easy. You have to be extremely intentional and proactive. You must be committed. You must know WHY you have chosen to remain celibate until marriage. You must understand why God is calling you to remain pure. As always, God's "rules" are for our GOOD. He knows that sex clouds our judgement. He knows the risks of STD's. He knows the chance of unplanned pregnancies and the pain of broken families. He also knows the effects celibacy has on the very core of Christian men and women. In a Celibate Christian Courtship, there are many ways God blesses the man and woman involved. For one, NO REGRETS. I can bet, you will never say, "I wish I would have had sex with that man that is not my heavenly-husband-to-be..." How many of us can say the same, for the times we have? You will not regret the decision to remain celibate. As a woman, I can tell you how amazing it feels to be loved and cherished by a man, and to know his love extends beyond a physical intimacy, into a spiritual intimacy. I can barely put into words how it feels to be loved and valued so much, by a man, that it is HIS desire to wait. Many times, there are men who are "willing" to wait, because it is our desire to wait (and that is wonderful)... but to have a MAN tell you "no"... to have a MAN tell you, it is HIS desire to wait. Ladies, can you imagine how much you would adore this man? How much you would respect this man? How much you would trust this man? How safe you would feel with this man? .... Now consider him. To know you love him with your whole heart, yet, you are not giving yourself to him sexually. To know that you love him enough to love his soul, as well, and to want God's best for him, reassures him. He grows to TRUST you like no other woman before. He sees you as priceless. Your purity becomes something he seeks to protect. As he loves you, adores you, trusts you... you love and adore him, respect him, and this cycle continues: love, trust, respect. God KNOWS the men and women He created and He KNOWS what is best for us. Our sacrifice now, pales in comparison to what we stand to gain, in life and in eternity. If we say that we trust Him,
we need to TRUST Him. In word and in deed.

God has placed it on my heart to be very transparent with you all, which is not always easy. But healing is found in transparency, healing for me - and you. In the course of my six years of celibacy, I have fallen short twice. When I fell, when I was weakest in my walk, was shortly after losing my brother. My heart was shattered. I was in pain, angry, hurt disappointed, shaken, confused, and the list goes on. I will share with you what took place in my heart and the areas I have identified which led to my falling short. I will share how I let my guard down, how boundaries were crossed, how I was neglecting my relationship with Christ, and how as I allowed myself to disconnect from Him, I was drawn further and further away from Him. I share this with you all, NOT to encourage or endorse you to fall short, but with the hopes of encouraging you and equipping you to maintain your celibacy. We cannot make excuses for our actions. We cannot justify ourselves. We also cannot talk ourselves out of walking in God's purposes for us, by buying into the lie of satan that tells us we are not worthy, that we are dirty, that no man would ever love us without sex, etc. Many times, we allow guilt of bad decisions, mistakes, bad judgement calls, and failures to eat at us. We beat ourselves up and that is a tool of the enemy. As with any other sin, my sisters, if you fall short of the glory of God, repent, ask God for His forgiveness, receive His forgiveness and forgive yourself, and keep your eyes on HIM. I am thankful that even my shortcomings, what satan meant to harm me, God has used for my good. He has shown me the importance of celibacy. He has also shown me HOW to maintain it. I thank God and give Him the glory that for the last 3 years I have done just that! I feel very confident that I will remain celibate until marriage, saving myself as a gift for my heavenly-husband-to-be. I invite you to join me. Here is how I plan to ensure my/our success in this area:

1. Make up your heart and your mind. If you do not know WHY you are choosing to be celibate, you will never be able to communicate it to the men in your life. You will not stand firm in your decision. You will be swayed. Know why you are celibate. Write God's word on your heart and be prepared to express/defend your stance... and also to remind yourself, once your emotions begin to run rampant. Keep a journal. While you are strong and committed - write a letter to yourself. List the reasons you have decided to commit your heart to Christ in this area. Lead your heart, don't follow it. 

2. Guard your heart. Maintain a healthy prayer life. Study God's word. Write it on your heart. Pay attention to what you feed your spirit. We must be proactive and intentional in the environments we put ourselves in, the music we listen to, the shows/movies we watch, the books we read, and the list goes on. Once you have commited to celibacy, you will not just wake up one day, and have sex... No, you will gradually allow yourself to be led away from Christ. Whether we want to admit it or not, we are what we eat. If you feed your heart with sexual lyrics, shows, books, environments, etc - don't fool yourself into thinking you won't succumb to the temptation.

3. Surround yourself with like-minded people. You can't confide in everybody. You can't seek advice from everybody. We have to use discernment. You have to surround yourself with people who will speak LIFE to you. During those times of weakness, you need people who will hold you accountable and encourage you to maintain your commitments. My sisters, I am speaking to you from experience. There was a time, after losing my brother, that I withdrew from everyone. By doing so, I cut myself off from a source of support God had placed in my life. I was not talking to those people God placed in my life to hold me accountable, to encourage me... I was not attending service regularly. As I distanced myself from Godly people, I was also distancing myself from God. Don't let that happen to you. Don't let satan talk you into cutting yourself off from those who love you and have your best interests at heart. Stay involved in your church home, in ministry, studying God's word, etc.

4. Set boundaries. We all know one thing, leads to another. Know your limits. Don't put yourself in compromising situations. Identify your areas of weakness and do not exploit yourself.

5. If you feel yourself getting weak or being pulled in that direction, do something. Renew your mind to Christ. Pray. Reach out to your sisters who you know will be REAL with you. Take time away in order to restore your heart and your focus. Read your journal. Remind yourself of how precious your purity is to you, to God, and surely - to your heavenly-husband-to-be.

This list, is by no way, all inclusive - but I do believe it will get you off to a good start, reinforce those who are already celibate, and equip all of us to embrace, maintain, and own our purity. If you have more to add to this list, by all means - SHARE it with us. COMMENT below. What are your thoughts? Are you struggling in celibacy? Are you standing strong? Wherever you are, let's talk about it. Let's encourage one another!

Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
¹⁰ If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

No matter where you are in life, if you feel God is calling you to celibacy before marriage - commit. Don't let anyone talk you out of it. Don't fall for the lies.... It is never too late to make a positive change. No matter how long you have lived in sin, you do not have to continue in it. No matter how many times you have fallen short, get back up - literally. Abide in Christ. At the time that I first gave my heart to Christ and committed myself to celibacy, I was in a sexual relationship. So I was where MANY of you are. It was not easy to go from a sexual relationship to a celibate one, but I/we did. When we know better, we need to DO better. My fiance (at the time), supported my decision and respected the changes I was going through. That may not be the case for you. But my sisters, we have to love GOD first. We have to love HIM more than we love, even ourselves. Set your heart on CHRIST.

"A woman's heart should be so deep in Christ, that a man would have to seek HIM first, in order to find her."

So, ladies, GET LOST........ in Christ, that is. *smile*

You can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens you.