Round 3 of our newest MONTHLY feature:
"Men Weigh In"
"Men Weigh In"
The men have spoken (again) - and I believe you will be blessed by their responses (again). *smile* I know I have been! God never ceases to amaze me. The guys that will be weighing in here (and right now there are four of them) are men that I know personally. Men that I have seen walking in Christ - sincerely - for years. Men who not only, talk the talk, but walk the walk - to the BEST of their abilities. They love Christ with all of their hearts, and I value and appreciate their input. These are our brothers in Christ. We are here to grow and evolve; they are doing the same. We will all surely be mutually blessed by the contributions they make and the conversation it provokes. I thought it best that they remain anonymous, so that they could share their responses freely and be completely transparent. So I had to come up with some "aliases" for these guys!! ;-) This way, as we hear from them each month you will be able to recognize which contributor it is you are hearing from. I asked them each to tell me their favorite book of the Bible - and this is how I came up with their SE names. ;-) So we have Brother Proverbs [21], Brother Ecclesiastes [30], Brother Colossians [43], and Brother Job [32].
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We asked: "If you had a sister, who you knew was in an abusive relationship (verbal, emotional, and/or physical), what would you say to her? What does real love [God's love] look and/or feel like?"
They answered:
Brother Job, 32:
If I had a sister who was in an abusive relationship I would advise her to do what’s best for her and her life. Of course I wouldn’t want her to stay but it’s solely up to her to make that decision. There are some situations where you can advise a person all day but until they have made up their mind to want better for themselves their situation will remain how it is. So for me I would be there when they needed me, pray for them, and try to provide any guidance that I am capable of providing to them with hopes of them turning their situation around.
Is that "love"/ does love hurt?
That’s definitely NOT LOVE. “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18 I don’t think love hurts but I think when love is mistreated it hurts. There are a lot of people mistreating love when it comes to relationships with a companion. I call it “conditional love” when a person loves you or shows love to you on the condition that you are doing everything that they want you to do. That’s not love!
She should leave because it’s not healthy, no one especially a women should sit around allow herself to be abused by ANYONE, no matter how much she may love them. If after talking about the situation and praying about the situation, things still don’t change, then it’s time to go. Life wasn’t created for anyone to be mistreated for the sake of what they feel is love.
When I think about what real love looks like there is only one thing that comes to my mind and it’s this
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
She is worth more than that, as a daughter of God
She is a gift so she is definitely worth more. She should be cherished and taken care of. For any sister to be abused, is an insult to GOD. Women are some of the most interesting, powerful, and precious beings ever created and they should be treated as such.
If I had a sister who was in an abusive relationship I would advise her to do what’s best for her and her life. Of course I wouldn’t want her to stay but it’s solely up to her to make that decision. There are some situations where you can advise a person all day but until they have made up their mind to want better for themselves their situation will remain how it is. So for me I would be there when they needed me, pray for them, and try to provide any guidance that I am capable of providing to them with hopes of them turning their situation around.
Is that "love"/ does love hurt?
That’s definitely NOT LOVE. “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18 I don’t think love hurts but I think when love is mistreated it hurts. There are a lot of people mistreating love when it comes to relationships with a companion. I call it “conditional love” when a person loves you or shows love to you on the condition that you are doing everything that they want you to do. That’s not love!
She should leave because it’s not healthy, no one especially a women should sit around allow herself to be abused by ANYONE, no matter how much she may love them. If after talking about the situation and praying about the situation, things still don’t change, then it’s time to go. Life wasn’t created for anyone to be mistreated for the sake of what they feel is love.
When I think about what real love looks like there is only one thing that comes to my mind and it’s this
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
She is worth more than that, as a daughter of God
She is a gift so she is definitely worth more. She should be cherished and taken care of. For any sister to be abused, is an insult to GOD. Women are some of the most interesting, powerful, and precious beings ever created and they should be treated as such.
Brother Colossians, 43
If I discovered that my sister was involved in domestic violence, I would ask her how long she was beating her husband! Lol! (Knowing my sister, she would be the abuser not the abused; especially considering the many guys she beat up when we were little) In all seriousness, I would ask her how long the abuse occurred. I would ask her if she felt that she deserved better. (Because unless she felt that she deserved better, this cycle would continue) I would tell her that love never seeks to harm another. I would also encourage her to leave before things escalate, or irreparable harm is caused. I would beckon her to gather her children and remove them from such a volatile situation.
Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone.
Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.
You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:
Don’t be afraid to let him or her know that you are concerned for their safety. Help your friend or family member recognize the abuse. Tell him or her you see what is going on and that you want to help. Help them recognize that what is happening is not “normal” and that they deserve a healthy, non-violent relationship.
Acknowledge that he or she is in a very difficult and scary situation. Let your friend or family member know that the abuse is not their fault. Reassure him or her that they are not alone and that there is help and support out there.
Be supportive. Listen to your friend or family member. Remember that it may be difficult for him or her to talk about the abuse. Let him or her know that you are available to help whenever they may need it. What they need most is someone who will believe and listen to them.
Be non-judgmental. Respect your friend or family member’s decisions. There are many reasons why victims stay in abusive relationships. He or she may leave and return to the relationship many times. Do not criticize his or her decisions or try to guilt them. He or she will need your support even more during those times.
Encourage him or her to participate in activities outside of the relationship with friends and family.
If he or she ends the relationship, continue to be supportive of them. Even though the relationship was abusive, your friend or family member may still feel sad and lonely once it is over. He or she will need time to mourn the loss of the relationship and will especially need your support at that time.
Help him or her to develop a safety plan.
Encourage him or her to talk to people who can provide help and guidance. Find a local domestic violence agency that provides counseling or support groups. Offer to go with him or her to talk to family and friends. If he or she has to go to the police, court or a lawyer, offer to go along for moral support.
Remember that you cannot “rescue” him or her. Although it is difficult to see someone you care about get hurt, ultimately the person getting hurt has to be the one to decide that they want to do something about it. It’s important for you to support him or her and help them find a way to safety and peace.
If you think your friend or family member may be abusive, click here to find out more.
Please call the 24-hour National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224 to discuss your concerns and questions.
If I discovered that my sister was involved in domestic violence, I would ask her how long she was beating her husband! Lol! (Knowing my sister, she would be the abuser not the abused; especially considering the many guys she beat up when we were little) In all seriousness, I would ask her how long the abuse occurred. I would ask her if she felt that she deserved better. (Because unless she felt that she deserved better, this cycle would continue) I would tell her that love never seeks to harm another. I would also encourage her to leave before things escalate, or irreparable harm is caused. I would beckon her to gather her children and remove them from such a volatile situation.
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My dear Sisters, domestic violence is a very serious issue. One nobody deserves to experience. The purpose of this discussion is to bring an awareness and an outlet for us to share. Know that there are people that even though we've never met, sincerely love you. There are people, myself included, that CARE about you. I pray that anyone reading this today, involved in an abusive relationship would consider leaving. You are a daughter of God. I do not believe it to EVER be His will for your life and the lives of your children to live in harm's way. We have to realize how precious we are in the eyes of God. We have to put our children first; they need you, alive and well. If you or anyone you know has ever experienced an abusive situation, and have a story/testimony to share, anything that you feel would help another, who may be in the same place you once were, please share. You can comment below. What you have to say, just might save a life.
Let's be informed - the following info was taken from: http://www.thehotline.org/get-educated/what-is-domestic-violence/
What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone.
Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.
You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner: - Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you.
- Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive.
- Tries to isolate you from family or friends.
- Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with.
- Does not want you to work.
- Controls finances or refuses to share money.
- Punishes you by withholding affection.
- Expects you to ask permission.
- Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets.
- Humiliates you in any way.
You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner has ever:
- Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.).
- Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or choked you.
- Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
- Scared you by driving recklessly.
- Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you.
- Forced you to leave your home.
- Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving.
- Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention.
- Hurt your children.
- Used physical force in sexual situations.
You may be in a sexually abusive relationship if your partner:
- Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles.
- Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships.
- Wants you to dress in a sexual way.
- Insults you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names.
- Has ever forced or manipulated you into to having sex or performing sexual acts.
- Held you down during sex.
- Demanded sex when you were sick, tired or after beating you.
- Hurt you with weapons or objects during sex.
- Involved other people in sexual activities with you.
- Ignored your feelings regarding sex.
How can I help a friend or family member who is being abused?
Don’t be afraid to let him or her know that you are concerned for their safety. Help your friend or family member recognize the abuse. Tell him or her you see what is going on and that you want to help. Help them recognize that what is happening is not “normal” and that they deserve a healthy, non-violent relationship.Acknowledge that he or she is in a very difficult and scary situation. Let your friend or family member know that the abuse is not their fault. Reassure him or her that they are not alone and that there is help and support out there.
Be supportive. Listen to your friend or family member. Remember that it may be difficult for him or her to talk about the abuse. Let him or her know that you are available to help whenever they may need it. What they need most is someone who will believe and listen to them.
Be non-judgmental. Respect your friend or family member’s decisions. There are many reasons why victims stay in abusive relationships. He or she may leave and return to the relationship many times. Do not criticize his or her decisions or try to guilt them. He or she will need your support even more during those times.
Encourage him or her to participate in activities outside of the relationship with friends and family.
If he or she ends the relationship, continue to be supportive of them. Even though the relationship was abusive, your friend or family member may still feel sad and lonely once it is over. He or she will need time to mourn the loss of the relationship and will especially need your support at that time.
Help him or her to develop a safety plan.
Encourage him or her to talk to people who can provide help and guidance. Find a local domestic violence agency that provides counseling or support groups. Offer to go with him or her to talk to family and friends. If he or she has to go to the police, court or a lawyer, offer to go along for moral support.
Remember that you cannot “rescue” him or her. Although it is difficult to see someone you care about get hurt, ultimately the person getting hurt has to be the one to decide that they want to do something about it. It’s important for you to support him or her and help them find a way to safety and peace.
If you think your friend or family member may be abusive, click here to find out more.
Please call the 24-hour National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224 to discuss your concerns and questions.
Let's talk [comment below]:
> What would YOU tell your sister, if you knew she was in an abusive relationship? What would you want her to know?
> Have you or someone you know ever been a victim of domestic violence? If so, how were you able to leave/end that relationship?
> Is it EVER alright for anyone to threaten your safety and/or the safety of your children?
The tricky thing about this is that it's easy to see the unacceptability of any kind of abuse from the outside, but the one being abused is emotionally committed to being in the relationship and it's a conflict to consider that the relationship needs to be dissolved. I have seen some female friends in emotionally abusive relationships and even when they recognized it was abusive some left, but others remained. I think you can point it out from the outside and you can be there as a source of support and pray for her, but ultimately only that woman can decide for herself to leave the situation.
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