Yet I Smile... To God be the Glory!

My daughter isn't feeling well... and as a mother, seeing her sick and/or in pain, is the worst feeling ever. As I was sitting here thinking of her, and how I would do anything I could to take her pain away... it hit me. God is the exact same way with us - His children. It hurts Him to see us sad, depressed, in pain, hopeless, etc... The ONLY difference - He's already done everything to take OUR pain away!! He made the ultimate sacrifice, while we were yet in sin. He sent His only Son, to die on the cross, that we would have LIFE and that more abundantly.  He has not left us unprepared or unequipped. He has NOT given us a spirit of fear. He left His word with us that we might write it on the tablets of our hearts, that it might renew our spirits, as often as we read it, apply it, and live it. He's told us that in HIS PRESENCE and at His right hand is FULLNESS of JOY. He left His spirit with us to give us peace and to guide us. You may have heard it said, "His peace surpasses all understanding" - but what does that mean? It means that those things that might get the world down, that might be enough to cripple or devastate others, events and situations that might cause some to completely lose their minds, do NOT have that affect on US. That's not to say we are immune to pain and/or feelings of hopelessness, it's not to say we won't feel and experience deep depths of pain... what it DOES mean, is pain and hopelessness will NEVER overcome us.

 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:7

I can attest to this. When I lost my mother [suddenly and unexpectedly], I thought my heart would stop beating
- but God. I couldn't die. I couldn't crawl into a hole and let the world keep going on around me... I had 3 little brothers, who needed me. At the age of 18, I lost my Mother and had to leave the military, in order to get custody of my little brothers. God kept me. 

Fast forward... Two years ago, I was engaged to marry the man, I thought was the man of my dreams, my best friend. Four months before our wedding day, we called off the engagement. The truth that unfolded during that time ALMOST rocked me to my core - but God. He had better in-store for me, for that, I am thankful. In Him, I found my strength. In Him, I found my peace. 

One year and a half ago, came the most painful experience of my life... one that even I thought was more than I could bear. On September 4, 2010, I lost my little brother suddenly and unexpectedly. He was 21. He left behind, his wife and his new eight month old baby girl, my only Niece. I was angry with God. I felt lost and betrayed, deep pain and anguish... I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I told God, that it was too much. Surely, this just wasn't right. How could this be?! I told Him, I didn't care anymore. I told him I was done... I tried not to think... I just lay there - numb and in shock. BUT GOD. He never left me. He never let me go. He held me tight, even as I hit my fists against His chest, fought tooth and nail, cried my heart out, for Him to let me go... He just held me harder. "My daughter, I love you. My daughter, they are here with me now, they are okay. My daughter, you. must. get. UP. I have placed in you a grand destiny, and yes, it will require hard times, and to some, unbearable pain, but it is NOT in vain. Trust me, my daughter. Trust me. You must get UP. Your joy is in ME. Your peace is in ME. Your LIFE is in ME. Your purpose is in ME. My daughter, this is this life I have called you to live. It is bigger than you. There are lives that you will reach, in my name and for my Glory. Lives that will be impacted for the Kingdom, because of the memory of your mother and brother ... many will come to know Me."

At my darkest hour, this was my prayer:

Psalms 69

 ¹ Save me, O God,
   for the waters have come up to my neck.
² I sink in the miry depths,
   where there is no foothold.
I have come into the deep waters;
   the floods engulf me.
³ I am worn out calling for help;
   my throat is parched.
My eyes fail,
   looking for my God.
Lord, the LORD Almighty,
   may those who hope in you
   not be disgraced because of me;
God of Israel,
   may those who seek you
   not be put to shame because of me.

But I pray to you, LORD,
   in the time of your favor;
in your great love, O God,
   answer me with your sure salvation.
¹⁴ Rescue me from the mire,
   do not let me sink;
Do not let the floodwaters engulf me
   or the depths swallow me up
   or the pit close its mouth over me.

 ¹⁶ Answer me, LORD, out of the goodness of your love;
   in your great mercy turn to me.
¹⁷ Do not hide your face from your servant;
   answer me quickly, for I am in trouble.
But as for me, afflicted and in pain—
   may your salvation, God, protect me.

 ³⁰ I will praise God’s name in song
   and glorify him with thanksgiving.
³¹ This will please the LORD more than an ox,
   more than a bull with its horns and hooves.
³² The poor will see and be glad—
   you who seek God, may your hearts live!
³³ The LORD hears the needy
   and does not despise his captive people.

 ³⁴ Let heaven and earth praise him,
   the seas and all that move in them,
³⁵ for God will save Zion
   and rebuild the cities of Judah.
Then people will settle there and possess it;
 ³⁶ the children of his servants will inherit it,
   and those who love his name will dwell there.

 ...and He heard me... and He answered me.

God never let me go. This past year and a half, hasn't been easy. There are still days that take my breath away. Moments when I feel overcome by raw pain... but even in the most painful of moments, I feel God's loving arms around me. I hear His voice, telling me to "get up". I hear His voice, telling me, "I love you". I turn to Him. I cry to Him. I look to Him... and He deposits hope, love, joy, and peace into my spirit. Actually, one day, as I was doing just that - crying out to Him - He told me to write. I certainly wasn't in the mood to write, but little did I know, all I was to do was hold the pencil - it was God who had something to say, to me... to all of His daughters. Click here, to read what He said to me that day: Words from My Father .

For so long, I would never speak of the things I've been through in my life. For one, it is very painful... but even more so, because I never wanted anyone to pity me or to feel uncomfortable. In addition, I know that there are countless others out there, who have experienced WORSE than I... others who have lived through even more tragedy, than I have. But my sisters, I was mistaken. There is power in sharing. There is healing in pouring your heart out to others - not only for yourself, but for those who hear and realize they are not alone. My sisters, I am sharing all of this with you, only to say, that, in God, you will find ALL that you need. When you completely submit to Him and place your heart in His hands, He will take better care of it, than you ever could. In my heart and soul, I know that there are THREE reasons I am still here today... three reasons I am in my right-mind... three reasons I have peace and joy...

1. PRAYER: There were [and still are] people PRAYING for me. - It is so very important that we surround ourselves with righteous people who know where our strength cometh from. "The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." James 5:16
2. GOD'S WORD: I had God's word written on my heart - in permanent marker. No matter how much I tried - and I did try - to give up, to succumb to my pain, I could not... there was TOO much life inside of me.  - - We can't only call on God when times get rough, no, it's during the quiet and peaceful times that we must deepen our relationship with Christ, so that when the trials come, we are PREPARED TO STAND. "I will put my laws in their minds and write them on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people." Jeremiah 31:33
3. HIS UNFAILING LOVE: God NEVER let me go. He carried me when I couldn't walk. He held me when I wanted to let go. He drew me close and held me tight. - - My sisters, He will do the very same for you. Turn to Him. Cry out to Him. Tell Him how you feel. If you're angry, let Him know. If you are confused, tell Him that too. He knows your heart. He knows just what you need. Let Him give it and be it, to you. Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5

God, I pray that you would touch the heart of every woman reading this today. God, I pray they would come to know you, as I do - as a healer, as peace, as joy, as love, as strength, as compassion, as my all in all. Yes God, that they would know you as their Heavenly Father. God, let your love shower down on them as never before, let them be overwhelmed by your love, peace, and joy. Lord, I pray that they would entrust their hearts to you. I pray that from this day on, they would serve you wholeheartedly and that their lives would be a testament to how GREAT you are. Transform us, from the inside out, Lord God. I pray that anyone who doesn't know you, would invite and accept you into their heart today. That today, they would profess you, Jesus Christ, as their Lord and Savior. From this day on, they would "let go" and place their grief, guilt, regrets, pain, heartache, and confusion, in Your hands, realizing they do not have to bear it alone. I pray that those who know you, but have not been living for you, would come back home to you. Lord God, I know how much we, your children, mean to you. I know that heaven rejoices as we acknowledge you as the head of our lives. God, my Father, I love you with all of my heart. I know that it is in YOU that I live and breathe. Thank you God for every seed planted in my life, thank you for every word of yours written on my heart, thank you for who you have been to me, who your are to me, and who you will always be to me. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.

If you would like to ask God into your heart today, don't hesitate... don't put it off... Accepting Jesus, will change your life forever. You will never be the same. I am living proof. [smile]. If you would like to accept Jesus OR rededicate your life to Him today, please pray this simple prayer with me: 

"Father, for so long I have felt there was a hole in my heart. I've tried to fill it with so many things and/or people, but I now know none can compare to your perfect love. I don't want to live another day, without your love, peace, and joy. I believe that your son, Jesus Christ died for my sins, was resurrected from the dead, is alive, and hears my prayer. I invite you, Jesus, to become the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my heart from this day forward. I am placing my heart in your hands. I trust you. I accept your love, your peace and your joy. From this day forward, I will seek you desperately and write your every word on my heart, that I might not sin against you. I thank you for saving me Lord. In Jesus' precious and holy name, Amen."

If you've prayed this prayer of salvation with true conviction and a sincere heart, you are now a follower of Jesus and our Sister in Christ. Congratulations on making the most important decision in your entire life! We want to rejoice with you and cover you in prayer, if you prayed the salvation prayer please let us know. Comment below and share what Jesus has done for you. Also, please visit our "Prayer of Salvation" tab and read "What Next"... We would like to help you preserve the commitment you've just made, and we have 5 steps that will help you to do just that.